The Sad Superheroes of Riga

Hello, friends. As you may know, I'm currently on an internship in Riga, Latvia (which is, itself, only a slight verbal hesitation away from being directly comics-related). I saw these ages ago, and knew I had to share them. I sprung into action! Given how many months I've been here, you can tell how inspired I was. Nevertheless, you, dear reader don't want to hear my excuses, you demand results! So, I bring you, the Sad Superheroes of Riga.


Hobo Supes - A dejected Superman grilling a hot dog over a campfire he's starting with his heat vision.



Roadkill - A blue-tighted red-caped hero (presumably Superman) crumpled beneath the front bumper of a mid-sized sedan (presumably kryptonite was involved. Although, the sky in the background is tinged slightly red). Batman and some urban youth in baggy sportswear look on in dismay. (I note with equal dismay that subsequent grafitti and a goddamn car have obscured Supes's body. Trust me, he's there UPDATE: in fact, look at this detail!)




Sadcap - Captain America, but, like, 70 years old, but he looks 70 years old, wearing a respirator and looking crestfallen.



Sundered Robocop - Again, sorry for the shitty picture, but here we have Robocop missing both his legs, one arm, and various other bits.


Saddest Hulk - This one is a few blocks from the others, which makes me hopeful that there are more around town. Pretty self-explanatory: a bawling Hulk with gamma-irradiated tears running down his face.

On the corner between Batman and Cap, there used to be one of Robin with an arm in a sling and an IV stand, but the plank he was on was replaced before I got my hands on a camera. It's always the children who suffer the most.

Internet Archaeology

I have discovered what I believe to be the oldest known nerdy Chuck Norris joke in existence.

In 1999's PC game classic Might and Magic VII: For Blood and Honor, the Grandmaster trainer of the Unarmed combat skill is named Norris, and has kinda a blond mullet thing going on.

It's important to know the historical roots of atrocities, so we can learn from our mistakes, and strive to build a better, classier, actually funny tomorrow.

From Friend Ian

'Don't look back' is a good policy when it comes to basilisks.

The Old Witch of Riga, Part II

From the Riga Municipality website:

It is prohibited in the territory of public property:
to engage in fortune telling and magic;

This is first on the list, before the interdictions against open alcohol on the streets or driving a vehicle on the ice of the canals.

I guess the old girl gave them some trouble in the past.

Bricks!

I know I said I'd write about social combat today. But I only have about five minutes of me and my computer in the same room, so instead, I'm going to write about bricks.

Bricks! Bricks are great. Bricks don't get the press of your other building materials, like your stones or your woods, which is a shame because bricks can do a lot of great things. Let's talk versatility. Bricks can do stately, Olde Worlde class (like this or this) or they can do slummy urban decay. They can be used in pre-modern, industrial, and even contemporary buildings. New bricks look sharp, if conservative, while old bricks capture perfectly the post-industrial urban wasteland aesthetic. Cover bricks in plaster and they can look like anything. (You get all of these and more in Latvia.) Brick walls are great when stuff smashes through them, because they crumble and break in great geometric fragments. Loose bricks are great places for hiding small items. Bricks make pretty good thrown objects, though they don't have quite the same resonance as a paving stone. That movie, Brick, it was pretty good.

Next time you need to describe a fictional building, don't forget about bricks. I have too many times.

Baroque and Roll

I want you to imagine something.

Imagine a golden warrior angel in mid-flight, swooping down with sword and shield, ready to stab some loathsome beast. This image frozen in tableau above an impossibly-tall fortified Gothic spire. Below that, curvy women lounge about in diaphanous robes and bits of ornamental armour. Lower still, sea monsters from the forgotten deeps writhe and coil. Around the spire gaunt, unnatural monsters that look like like some combination of alligator, panther and dinosaur shrink back in horror and twist their malformed bodies in impossible ways as the angel's terrible radiance sears their eyes and pierces their souls.

Not enough? How's this? A well-muscled manly-man of a hero stands atop a castle tower. Beneath him, all the vile, subterranean minions of hell boil forth from the earth and sea in an effort to devour him. Defending him is a naked mermaid whose purity fills the devils with both fear and unnatural lust to despoil such a perfect beauty. Against the tide of evil, the hero wields a severed hand still spraying fluid from the stump.

Perhaps it's just Friend Kris's recent writings on heavy-metal influenced fantasy over at Glitterdust. Perhaps it's my relatively-recent playthrough of Brütal Legend. But these descriptions - at least to me - sound metal. Nothing to do with metal music, necessarily, but everything to do with the metal-fantasy aesthetic. Muscley guys fighting loathsome denizens of the underworld while poorly-dressed women with unrealistic figures look on.

So, what are these shining examples of unironic heavy-metal aesthetic excess? Album covers? Artwork for fantasy games or novels?

None of the above. Would you believe nineteenth century public fountains?

The first one is the fountain on Place Sainte-Catherine in Brussels (Google Image Search fails me here). The second is Brabo Fountain in Antwerp, which the Internet informs me is based on the founding legend of the city, in which Roman soldier Silvius Brabo chops the hand off a giant and throws it into the nearby river (source) - a fact which makes it even more metal.

So why is trashy metal/fantasy art derided as, well, trashy metal/fantasy art, while this stuff gets a pass? The content is about the same, so is it the (slightly) less testosteroned-up aesthetic? Is it just because it's old? Is it due to the connection with their respective associated musical genres? I don't really have an answer, nor any sort of conclusion. I'm certainly not calling for the installation of trashy metal/fantasy art in public places. I'm just intrigued and amused by the connections between some of the 'lowest' and 'highest' arts.

I guess I do have one conclusion: men like art with babes and violence.